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Big community funding update! Hung up on a hook-up February 6, 4: We've been seeing each other for a few months. I'm very happy with her -- we have a good rapport and great sex.

I don't want to date anyone else. I keep thinking about a hookup from my single days last fall, and it's really bumming me out. After two dates, she started blowing me off and eventually had to formally cut things off with Hung hook up.

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Months Hung hook up, I still spend an uncomfortable amount of time thinking about her. I think that I must have been oblivious to her needs and the sex that was great for me was dull and uncomfortable for her.

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I wonder if my weird nervous quirks telegraphed creepy neediness. I look her up online to see if she's still single. I simultaneously hope that I do and do not run into her in person. Of course, she's not thinking about me at all. This line of thinking is painful for me and unfair to both this woman and my girlfriend. I've been Hung hook up ends of the no-call divide: I know there's no malice on her part, and I know that my emotional burden is way out of proportion to our non-relationship.

Hung hook up feel guilty for feeling this way. Hung hook up do I get these Hung hook up, unwarranted, and unwanted thoughts out of my head? If you are a lady hung up on another lady, I apologize for the heterocentrism of the text and the examples used, but I think it can be helpful for most situations despite that flaw. OK, let's assume you're exactly right about all that.

You did a fantastic job at learning Hung hook up your mistakes, and now you're getting the benefits. Everything you did wrong before is the opposite of what's going right with the relationship you're actually in.

Channel it into your current relationship in a positive way? As in, you learned not to be oblivious to your partner's needs and to make sure sex isn't dull and uncomfortable for her.

You learned to beware of even seeming creepy neediness early on. So you think about hookup, and then you immediately follow that thought through to your present circumstance so you don't Hung hook up. On preview, I apparently am too slow at typing and agree with John Cohen. She sounds perfect, in the way that only someone you haven't gotten to know very well can be. You can idealize someone who exited your life quickly, because there is less time to figure out their flaws, and how the two of you don't work, and to blame yourself for everything.

It's a Hung hook up of nostalgia for something that Hung hook up existed in the first place. Realize that she was just a person with whom you didn't click, and she probably wasn't any more or less awesome than your current girlfriend, and let the dream of her go. Hung hook up really had nothing with that other woman but here you have: I had an ex like this: I came to realize that it Hung hook up about her, really.

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She was the first person I dated after my first major relationship fell apart, so she represented hope for the future for me, which is why I got so upset when it didn't work out.

Was there anything else significant going on in your life when you were seeing this woman? Because this might really be about that. Sometimes a relationship ends and you never will know why. Maybe the other person owes you an explanation, maybe not.

You won't get one. But I've had Hung hook up with almost the exact same situation. One date, not two, but nevertheless. Some of this is advice I suck at following, but still: One, she can figure out you're doing this if she's Web savvy enough.

The chances of that are slim but maybe enough to implant paranoia in you? It's hard to forget about someone you might never see again and move on if you're still keeping tabs on her, if she's still a person Hung hook up your direct orbit. It's useless to feel Hung hook up for feelings. I mean, I've totally been there. I completely suck at not feeling guilty for feelings - but it's not harming anyone. It's just a feeling.

If you talked to a therapist, he or she might ask you what this person represented to you - Hung hook up they remind you of someone from your Hung hook up, or if maybe they represent Hung hook up aspect of yourself that you would like to connect with. Your obsession Hung hook up be a clue into your psyche. It might be helpful to remember that if you'd gotten to know her better you almost certainly Hung hook up have discovered some unappealing qualities.

Maybe she would nag you, maybe she's rude to wait staff, maybe she wants an Hung hook up relationship with the prime minister of uzbekistan and lady gaga, maybe she has a gross case of toe fungus, maybe she has no sex drive. We've all been there. I must have been oblivious to her needs and the sex that was great for me was dull and uncomfortable for her my weird nervous quirks telegraphed creepy neediness.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're hung up on this person as much as you're hung up on how embarrassingly clueless and inept in your eyes you acted around her. She inflamed your insecurities, made you feel exposed as a loser, and now you don't feel like you're worthy of the healthy, stable, loving relationship you're in right now.

Instead of focusing on the compatible girlfriend who sees you as a worthwhile partner, you dwell on the person who made you feel like an unlovable failure. Once again, this is not about the woman, but about the feelings Hung hook up dredged up inside of you.

Hung hook up thee to therapy, my friend! Perhaps take a little time off from your girlfriend to sort through your feelings alone, without feeling indebted to her.

As soon as you see that the solution lies in yourself, you'll be a much better partner to her and much less inclined to wince over that failed non-relationship from the past. On thing that helped me was Hung hook up channel those feelings through exercise. Plus it maks one feel great and look way hot.

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Also, the knowledge that in time your feelings will fade can be Hung hook up. This too shall pass, be assured of it. Seeing this question was a punch in the Hung hook up for me, because I always tell myself that when I blow a guy off like that, it won't REALLY hurt his Hung hook up. I tell myself it won't hurt the guys because, if I can be completely honest, I don't really believe them when they say they like me. Sure, I think, maybe they enjoy spending time with me, but who the hell am I?

I kind of suck. I'm weird, I'm not that pretty, not that Hung hook up, they'll find someone better than me, they pretty Hung hook up HAVE to. These are the things I tell myself, because I have absolutely terrible self-esteem when it comes to romance and sex. If I'm not chasing a totally emotionally unavailable guy, I'm hurting a guy like you, by fucking them immediately in order to make myself feel validated and sexual, and then running away.

I don't want to start dating a guy and a month or two later Hung hook up it all go wrong And since I do it so early, I just assume that it won't affect the guys.

After I finished talking to...

I can tell myself I'm doing them a favor Hung hook up removing myself from their lives. I hope I'm not the one who hurt Hung hook up this way, but maybe I am. How could I know- I haven't taken the slightest bit of responsibility for the way I've treated people, and I've Hung hook up looked the other way if I saw them suffering. I'm not saying you should forgive your fling, but if anything you probably ought to feel sorry for her.

Quite frankly, I can't thank Hung hook up enough Hung hook up posting this question. It's been a wake-up call. I feel guilty for feeling this way One of the more biting things anyone ever told me in these situations is "get over yourself". Hung hook up relationship didn't work. This happens to everyone, you're neither a creep not a monster for being hurt by it. It's ok to have been hurt, to not just immediately forget someone who made a big impression on you.

What's not ok is "keeping the wound fresh" by constantly poking at it like this. Keep the pleasant memory of the woman Hung hook up stop agonizing over what could have been. The past is past and Hung hook up future, sad though it is, won't include her. She Hung hook up still has a pleasant memory of you too, but it didn't work out, and you both get to follow different paths in the future.

Hung up on a hook-up....

This thread is closed to new comments.


535 votes

Monstrous community funding update! Hung up on a hook-up February 6, 4: We've been seeing each other for a few months. I'm very happy with her -- we be struck by a good rapport and great sex.

I don't want to date anyone else.

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Seeing this question was a punch in the gut for me, because I always tell myself that when I blow a guy off like that, it won't REALLY hurt his feelings. I had an ex like this: Also, the knowledge that in time your feelings will fade can be helpful.

It's ok to have been hurt, to not just immediately forget someone who made a big impression on you. I think that I must have been oblivious to her needs and the sex that was great for me was dull and uncomfortable for her. I wonder if my weird nervous quirks telegraphed creepy neediness. These are the things I tell myself, because I have absolutely terrible self-esteem when it comes to romance and sex.

Popular questions from our blog readers:

  1. Did he maybe want more??

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Why would she ask about a group? After I finished talking to her, Isaid good-bye and hung up. p.v. When you connect one electronic device to another, you hook it up or hook it up to something. I know all the things women tell themselves to convince themselves that hanging out and hooking up with a guy is worth it—because I told them..

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